Opening my heart

It`s really a thing that burns ,kills & definitely more fatal than death.
I`m talking about something i`ve been through today, something that shocked every cell in my body even the dead ones got back a life, got shocked & continue being dead.
What i`m saying is that when you are a feet close from someone that you consider as a part of your soul, your perfect person & even more precious than your life, yet you feel that there is a barrier stronger than you both, thus your only choices is to stand in killing silence or just walk away (as I did today), which is the thing that breaks every part & compartment of your heart.
Far in time in my childhood, my early grow up, even in the first year in college i`ve never been a believer in love, I only thought of it as a joke & silly thing, but wind flows against the sailor's desire, once in the first times in college accidentally I saw that girl, that eyes, that face from heaven & that smile, I really felt in love with her & then I discovered a lot of things about her made me even believe in her & really said to my self well that's her my other half & my future queen ;-).
It`s all about time , i`m at the edge of a tough situation & most complicated time of my life( no one can envy my situation), when I suppose to concentrate on my dream (i`m a senior of my grade) which i were, until i incorporated the idea of marriage & my fears of loosing the person I loved, because when this may happen(Allah forbid) i`ll never get married again because (when god gives you one heart so you may donate your heat to one person or else you are not a human).
Today I past by my love, I never had the ability to look into her eyes(I already did something wrong before a month) & I thought that she might be mad of me & their might be a tension if I tried to make a move, so I tried to finish my purpose fast enough that I won't disturb her & then left the college to my cousin's argumentation,(by the way I couldn't resist not to look at her, what can I say she was simply & without any pretending the most beutifull, sweet, & attractive pharmacist today).
Finally all what i`ll do is to keep my heart beat for my love H. & try to carry out my summer plans, along with praying to god for making my two humble dreams comes true….Amin,
Yours,
GHAITH